The Sex Lives of African Women is a collection of honest experiences from across the African continent and its global diaspora which focuses on sex, sexualities, and relationships.
Divided into three parts – Self Discovery, Freedom, and Healing Sekyimah shares the experiences of over thirty African and Black Women on sex, desire, owning one’s body and pleasure.
Where do I start from? Hear this, this book is nothing like you’ve read before. It is bold, honest, raw and heart-wrenching. This book is disruptive – destroying what society recognizes as a natural process.
As a people, conversations about sex are forbidden. You would often hear Africans joke about the awkward silence when a sex scene comes on television when they are watching with their parents. Sex is something to be ashamed of. Over and over, we have heard that women should not be sexually forward. A woman’s sexual desire and pleasure is unheard of. Consequently, African women are not confident about their sexual desires. This book breaks the ice and brings to light some of the issues surrounding sex and sexuality. I loved that women spoke their truth unapologetically - unfiltered.
Let me start with representation. The Sex Lives of African Women fully represented women across borders & continents, religion, culture, generation, and sexuality. There were heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, transsexual, polyamorous, cis and trans women.
The individual stories highlight the challenges the African woman struggles with on the journey to freedom, healing, and self-discovery. A significant part of the book is focused on desires and pleasure, yet the conversations explore weighty themes such as abuse, patriarchy, feminism, abortion, Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), spirituality, family, and consent.
The depth of this book is amazing. It gives the reader something to ponder on. For me, stories on sex workers, women living with HIV, abortion, Female Genital Mutilation, and women living with disabilities were thought-provoking and revealing. This book is an un-learning journey.
This book drew so many emotions out of me. By the time, I got to the end I was sad and disoriented – there was this feeling of loss and hopelessness I couldn’t shake off. Simply because our society continues to re-echo that a woman’s pleasure and sense of self (individuality) is unnecessary.
The stories that caught my attention were Elizabeth – the woman living with disability, Fatou- the bisexual woman living in a conservative Muslim-Majority society, Alexis – the 71-year-old Black queer feminist, Solange – the 46-year-old Trans woman, Shanita – the 36-year-old woman practising celibacy, Tsitsi – a woman living with HIV and Philester – coordinator of the Kenya Sex Workers Alliance.
Shoutout to author Nana Darkoa Sekyimah for compiling these stories and for sharing yours.
Comments